25.11.05

Completely empty in comprehension of what I was thinking, just trying to pin everything down again. Of course I can't keep running away from that, but I surely can hinder thoughts about it. It all depends on values, and I gave it less worth for a spell and now its bitten me for such dishonesty. I'm just aprehensive and cautious of all I implied/edged for.

Sitting here and recalling every event brings back bittersweet memories and emotions my new scenery blocked. I barely knew what flowed through me last night, but it felt nice to bring up "the unspeakable" and just rant. That is all I ever did, clandestinely ranted and searched for what I wanted with a picture set before me. Perhaps I can see better now because I discarded it or I ended belief in it.

Which brings me to another wonder, what am I trying to get at now? Why does this little heart continue to pine for another that left? When shall it stop tearing out its sutures and finally become tranquil? I just want to smother it and simply allow something else to compensate for it until "Whatever happens, happens".
[Regrets are but a waste of one's time.]

tea is served @ 7:56 p. m. --------------------------------------------------------------