1.4.05

The Pope is dying. . . Because of that, I've been wondering if the things I've done in my life have been worth it. Will good grades get me a seat in heaven? What prosperous actions have I taken in the name of the Lord?

And you can't really get many answers. All my life, the family motto has been focused on getting good grades, a good job, and a good life. But, is it worth it? I mean, you spend a good portion of your life in school, aiming for human valued things. I've been doing homework, and it's actually just a waste. No matter what any teacher out there says, it is a waste. I mean, seriously, how many people in your life, after high school, will question you about Shakespeare or what sugar holds thymine together?

It's like running a marathon for nothing. Because I feel like I won't find my meaning in life until I'm probably in my 40s, if I live that long. Which is after accomplishing vain actions.

The world's going to end next year and I feel I have Nothing in my life to show thanks to God for giving me a chance to have a life on earth. Though it's short, but all our lives are short and will be gone before we know what happened. And what can we say? "I'm proud to be an American" is not going to get you any where in the after life, I'll tell you that. . . .

I feel like a fool. Doing worthless things in my life for rewards of emptiness. Thinking through all things, were my lies worth the silent pain? What of the people I've attached myself to? What good are we doing each other if we end up babbling or just not having any substance? I feel that my only pride in myself is that I have almost always had an aim to not go against God and to have the ability to still smile in my loneliness hours.

. . . . Well, yeah, school work may help you analise certain topics, but how many take that into thought when answering review questions? How many of us Truly understand why we "need" to go to school. Not everyone can get a scholarship and not everyone can live as an artist. Not everyone "needs" to learn algebra and geometry and trigonometry, especially in order to be a machanic or plumber or village leader, and surely not a talk show host. . . But I think we all do need to understand our religions, understand the meaning of Christianity and aim to be at peace with God, he's the only one you can't hide from, and neither surely cheat. . .

tea is served @ 8:40 p. m. --------------------------------------------------------------