24.2.05

Of course many of us are fully aware of my "mellow-ness" of this week. I think my best way of putting it is that there isn't a significant object that's brought me to this, but there is an object in it's vague tense.

I'm hurt, angry, tired, feed up. I don't want to sit anymore and take in unnecessary stress. I don't want to hear about all these plans that still dance upon the lines of "All Set" andd "Not gonnah happen" and I surely don't want to be kicked about because of my solitation towards it.

I enjoy being "left alone" because there isn't anyone to make a scene or say the wrong thing. Because guess what, it's just me and I know what I'm doing. I'm not sitting around wallowing away in dry tears and biting myself for any forms of stupidity. I'm having my own counselling. I'm planning things out and getting to the point of what happened, why do I feel this way, and what is it that could be done. Just because I'm not talking to you doesn't mean that I'm disowning you or something. It just means I'm not talking to you, it's not of the basis of "I don't want to" but more of "I can't". I can't get the rights out to show what's floating about or just articulate everything up enough to not have to go through a dramatic mess.

All I want is a tranquil place to be. I don't want all the hootnany of vanity and just nonsense. I want the simple seriousness that gets all the cards onto the table and to just. . . I just want better. . .

tea is served @ 5:20 p. m. --------------------------------------------------------------