Or, resenting what we were not suppose to know?

I'm just trying to get it all into a simple understanding, of all the things we do. I think our emotions are what make so many things complex, but what would be life without them?

One,[U2]
"One love
We get to share it
It leaves you, baby
If you don't care for it"

Ah ha, and then came the mail. Poetry.com sent me a letter praising a poem I wrote around last year and well. . . The poem was created during a state of self-denial. Denial of what I still felt and denial of my place en la corazón de quien. Ha, it's actually somewhat humorous, because I just got back from laughing at a visit and I read something I wrote where some lines are:
". . . Thought my love would prevent it.

But I was wrong."

Ah, why do my poems always tend to represent my saddest sides? . . . Hmm, maybe because I can barely find other ways to let that out. Aye, if only these emotions could be my evasive side. . . And now all is quite.

: :Starts singing "Loneliness": :

It's a gaily sang song. You'd be surprised how uplifting it actually is. Just goes to show how music is sometimes more important than the accompanying lyrics. . .

While heading towards the citizenship room all the security people were checking our bags and slightly, basically, treating us somewhat like crap. Because we weren't part of the "country" or "U.S." they were all levels above us and had to talk condescendingly to us, for us immigrants don't understand anything else but dreams.

Reminded me of the border patrollers at the Canadian border (of last year). When the officer asked me of where I was from and to step off the bus, I was bascially scum to her. I'm not even forming a hyperbole, she was talking to me as if I was dirt and she only lightened up when she saw that my passort was blue (which identifies me as a U.S. citizen). And it's ridiculous how I've had to wait 3 years to finally have the official document that states that "henceforth Elizabeth Chinelo Ikejimba is, now, and always, a citizen of the United States. . ." blah blah blah.

Ah, the U.S., the land of the free, as long as your papers say so, or else you're just scum that thought they could finally find "freedom" but found nothing but inequality, constant "reasons" for the government to take away the money that you practically shed your own blood for, just to keep your familia alive, and a constant cycle of poverty unless you become one of the lucky ones that struck gold somehow. . . .

The Pledge of Allegiance only counts for those who's bloodline actually goes back to kin that shed blood for the flag or have bribed the government for long enough that nothing really matters anymore. . . God Forgive Amercia

You must excuse my slacking with posting as in posting my feelings/thoughts/ideas posting of recent. My mind man, it's just been having a field day all week and I'm actually quite happy, proud, and amazed of how calm I've been able to keep myself. Didn't even snap on anybody.^_^ YaYa!

But aye, some things haven't been good for all of us, it's more from the vibes and little said than of what I've been told, though I've barely heard much, as of recent. But still, though I've evolved from the crazy happy chica of 7th grade that's constantly willing to listen and from the academically crazy, study hard, slightly cold Chi of 8th grade, into this kind of cold, common sense says "Shut your north and south"/ screw it I'm going to dance/ "you all seem like flowers and birds to me" person, it's still Chichi. It's still Elizabeth that's willing to help out.

I may sometimes come off as mean, but if you listen to the things everyone says, just listen and not respond, like just think about it, me getting stressed and mad makes sense, stupidity has become a popularity and whining is the way to go with all my peers.

I'm still completely willing to help and give advice, but, firstly, if you don't let me know, I'm free to act out my opinions however I choose because I have no clue what's up with you. Secondly, stuff happens with me, there things about my past I'm still finding out important things and so, darn skippidy, I'll have my days and that natural tendency of just having no one around me.

But I don't know, if you really care about me too and check in on things, it's easy to see I'm just a more matured/conscious/cautious Chi. I may seem mean, but it's only the truth and it doesn't mean that I'm not willing to hear out what needs to be said. And remember, you revolve around the world, it doesn't revolve around you. And when crap happens to you, it's likely to have already happened before and even worse and if not, than be the first to experience it and overcome it with faith in yourself and in God that things will work out. . . Have some trust in God, it doesn't hurt. And if you feel He's left you, then you need to check yourself and realise you're steering away from him because evidently you must have not accepted an event or the outcome of it. But we all can't get what we want or else the world would be fair. And plus, when God shuts one door, it's only for the better, through another one.

Pace [Italiano por "paz,"(peace): Pah-chay ]

Death is such a fascinating thing, I think because it's such an unsolved mystery. In this society, death is usually shunned and if not, then seen as a peaceful ending to whosoever's lifelong struggles through Life. You usually hear one speaking of the deceased as "I know . . . is smiling down on us now. . . : :blah blah blah: :." And everyone feels a tad better.

But who has the right to say whether whosoever is looking up or down on us? I'm pretty sure that they are not really communicating about their whereabouts after death.

And then such questioning brings more thought into how some people wish they were dead, for they feel that the afterlife would be more peaceful than life. I doubt it would be for them, if one were so zealous in pitying themselves and believing so. Such thoughts usually exhibit a lack of foundation in religion, or Christianity or whatsoever. For if one does care greatly about where they are going in afterlife and know what not to do, they would be zealous in making every day count and would add sunshine, not artificial light, to they're days/hours/minutes/seconds of life. There would be no need to mourn anything other than the lack of faith in man, every now and again, Or plot to end it. . .

Which is another thing. We always question Everything. Question people on their sexuality, beliefs, honesty, everything. If someone tells you that your game is cancelled, how many of us would run to the coach and make sure? Don't bring any exceptions or "What if"s or "But"s into it. It's just a simple idea, there is no description to the messenger of the example. And if you have to wonder about the messenger, then you surely are questioner, a petty one at that, for the messenger doesn't matter as much as your answer does. . .

Ah. . .Virtues are also one's nemesis, no matter how many raise virtues to the high heavens, those are the toughest things of life. A very strong faith fuels a person that has virtues, for virtues Never guarantee a "positive" ending.

Lastly, this society is so peculiar with how if one is in the spotlight, it's a positive idea. No matter whether they are in the light for good or bad purposes, it's just Great to be known. But really, I don't feel so. Attention and craving for attention are quite vain and ridiculous at that. You don't need all eyes on you, and when you do, give yourself proper poseur throughout your 15 minutes, yeah? . . . Absence of being wildly known is never a terrible thing. It's actually quite great when no one knows you, a Great heap of stress shan't touch your shoulders and it makes life more interesting because you and others have to interactive, yes that's right, actually have to Do Something, in order to find out about you. I like acquaintances. . .

Yes, we have good intentions for the most part, but the acted out intentions don't guarantee a good outcome.

I think people should just always aim for the better, aim for the better of themeselves and remember to help others a tad more than themselves. Or else all things are a jumbled mess and craziness. . .

Because, most of time, the coach is the one that punishes for wrongdoing and makes everyone work hard. But all that work means nothing unless evertone, as a team, feels that they are capable of winning or at least aim to it.

There's a difference between thinking you can win and acting it out. It's like, you can strive to be excellent, you have to Be It.